


A Night In (And Some Thoughts)

by eleuther



Series: Dear Friends [2]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Ben is overthinking, Ben is sad, Gen, Gwilym is awesome as usual, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insecure Ben Hardy, Insecurity, Mario Kart, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Overthinking, Sad, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, boys night, kind of, second in a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 04:34:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18909649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleuther/pseuds/eleuther
Summary: Ben is a little sad and just wants his boys. Too bad he doesn't have them yet. (Not that he thinks he ever will, but it's fine.)





	A Night In (And Some Thoughts)

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of made this a series and have like 6 parts written out. It might end, it might not, we'll see how this goes. Also, this is really short, the next couple of parts will be. They just don't need to be that long, I think. 
> 
> There's nothing really explicit here just a mention of his childhood, but I kept the mature rating anyway. Anywho, please enjoy!

**November 2017**

It’s been three weeks since Ben told Joe, Rami, and Gwilym about his childhood. They were sat in Gwil’s apartment, much like when the suspicion first began, and Ben was letting his mind wander as he watched them fight over Mario Kart. 

Ben thinks he might be a little in love with his castmates. Which is totally fine, except he’s positive they would never feel the same.

Ever since he told them about his father he’s felt… lighter. Like he doesn’t have to worry as much. He guesses that he doesn’t; he’s not hiding anymore.

None of them have mentioned it since. They’ve been a bit more careful, but not like others. They just watch how they act sometimes when it looks like things may go a bit overboard in an argument. 

Ben really couldn’t believe how lucky he got with them. Most people would have run for the hills by now. And if not they’d be drowning him in pity and sympathy.

So he was pretty grateful for the three of them. He had been crushing on them for a while, it seemed. Not that he’d noticed because he’s an idiot with these things. But as time went on and they really stuck around, he felt his feelings grow. Which was only slightly terrifying.

He was knocked out of his head for a moment when Joe yelled something about Rami cheating and laughed when Rami got sick of it and tackled him to the floor. This was nice, watching them play. It felt right. Too right, maybe, but he wasn’t going to complain. This was as close as he was ever going to get to what he wants. 

Ben knew as soon as he realized that he would have to do everything in his power to get rid of these feelings. They stuck around as his friends - and even that might be over once they wrap filming - but as lovers? Especially when he would have to choose? Because there is no way he’d ever be lucky enough to bag all three of them, there’s just no way. 

He didn’t even know if any of them liked guys! And they definitely didn’t know that he liked guys. Gosh, just the idea of telling them made him want to laugh, or maybe cry. Because there is just no way. It’s impossible. He could literally never be that lucky.

And besides, even if by chance he found out that all three of them liked guys, and they all like each other, they wouldn’t want him. Ben was too damaged, broken. Completely and utterly unworthy of the friendship they gave him now, let alone a loving, lifelong relationship. 

_Maybe I’m being dramatic_ , he thought as he took a sip of his beer. 

(He definitely wasn’t.)

Ben can dream all he wants for something more. And he can hope that this will at least remain how it is, but he knows once filming is over and they aren’t seeing each other every day, they’ll lose interest. Forget about him, get sick of him and his fear of - well, everything. Ben just wasn’t worth keeping around and he knew it. This, right now? This was all obligation to avoid an awkward filming experience. And so Brian and Roger could enjoy this and be proud of this movie. Once they were done it would change, they would move on, and he would be stuck here in his little world of self-pity. 

Gwilym stood from the floor and joined him on the couch. 

“Are you alright? You’ve been quiet all evening.”

“Yeah,” Ben said. “I’m fine. Just thinkin’ a bit.” 

Gwil nodded in response and shuffled closer to Ben, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. He leaned his head against the older man and let himself be comforted for a moment. 

Yeah, this was nice now, but they wouldn’t stay. The world would never be so kind as to let him have something so good.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave comments and kudos I need validation!!!


End file.
